The Anti-Anger Book
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| Infos : | 168 pages |
Using 3 steps to free yourself from anger
How do I free myself from anger?
Every day life is full of annoyances, big and small ones, that depredate us of energy, time and quality of life. But you don’t have to accept this: You can learn to be less angry.
This book introduces a three-step process for competently clearing your anger: filtering the anger cause, clearing your own desire to be angry, and releasing remaining “anger hooks” that keep you stuck in the situation.
The book is based on coaching methods that have been proven to work:
- The tools are demonstrated by using case studies from private and professional everyday life.
- With the help of exercises at the end of each chapter, you can reflect on your own anger issue and you will receive impulses to try out some of the methods immediately.
- The anger clarification process is easy to learn, to remember and to apply by using 3 steps: filter, clarify, release.
You will discover: Living without anger and rage can be so easy!
How do I free myself from anger?
Daily anger situations can suck the energy out of us, rob us of time and quality of life. It
doesn’t have to be like this! We can learn how to process any anger situation to live a
happy and serene life.
A life without anger, rage and frustration can be so easy if we know WHY we get stuck in
anger situations, WHICH anger patterns keep us there and HOW we free ourselves.
This book introduces a 3-step process for clarifying anger triggers in a competent way:
1. filtering the cause of anger
2. clarifying the anger desire and
3. releasing anger hooks that keep us stuck in anger situations.
To enable you to immediately put the strategy of anger release into practice, the book
uses coaching methods that have proven themselves in real life:
§ The tools are vividly conveyed using case studies from private and professional
everyday life.
§ Numerous diagrams illustrate each process step and serve as visual anchors.
§ Scales can be used as inner compass to find your own position.
§ With the help of exercises at the end of each chapter, you can reflect on your own
anger issues and receive impulses, that you can apply immediately.
As you learn a process – and not numerous single solutions or advices – you can apply the
process to any anger situation be it in private life or at work. The 3-step process is easy to
learn, apply and remember:
filter. clarify. release
What this Book is about
We get stuck in anger situations although we could easily live a serene and relaxed life.
Why do we choose to get upset or angry about topics, people, or situations?
In this book I explain:
§ WHAT happens to us and our relationships when we get angry
§ WHY we get angry in the first place
§ HOW we can process our anger and communicate in a competent and simple way and
how we can ultimately free ourselves from the anger topic
I introduce a new process based on coaching methods that consist of 3 steps answering
the following questions: When does it make sense to get upset? What is the unfulfilled
wish that fuels my anger? And most importantly: which anger hooks might keep me
angry?
The ultimate goal of the book is to offer an effective and simple method that can be
applied in any anger situation in our personal life or at work. As a result, we will hardly
get angry any more, the anger emotion will not last long and we will gain incredible clarity
in every aspect of our life.
What is special about this book?
When we are angry, we face 2 problems: the anger emotion and the anger trigger. This
book concentrates on the anger trigger to get to the bottom of the anger, so that we are
able to free ourselves from it completely. Dealing ‘only’ with the anger emotion or anger
regulation is not enough. This might help in some cases or on the surface. But real anger
can linger in our subconscious and live on forever. Unless we take a closer look at the
anger topic and process the anger, it will get in our way.
I introduce a completely new process that especially focuses on why we are stuck in anger
although we could step into freedom anytime.
To help learning and applying this coaching-based process, I use charts as visual anchors,
scales for embodiment, day-to-day examples, as well as exercises for immediate
application.
Target Group
This book speaks to every human being! Anger is a basic human emotion, and we all get
angry. We might get upset on a daily basis, be it at work complaining about colleagues or
bosses or at home nagging about/at family, partner, kids, friends, or neighbors. We react
to anger triggers in a different way, but we all know how it feels to be angry.
This book gives an answer to the HOW: How can we process anger and free ourselves
from anger situations we are stuck in. The anger clarification process that I developed can
be applied by every human being, independent of age, gender, profession, or position.
The process is a one size fits all.
Pain of the Target Group
Anger has a variety of negative effects on our wellbeing, health, relationships, or
motivation at work. Even trivial anger situations like a traffic jam or a person trying to
push in front of us at the supermarket can cost us precious time and energy. While we are
busy raging over an anger situation, we cannot enjoy our work, our relationships, our life.
We might feel frustrated, get high blood pressure, a headache, backpain or struggle to
have a good night’s sleep.
When we are upset or angry it is no fun to be with us. Our personal relationships suffer as
well as our relationships at work.
If we are not angry ourselves, we might suffer under other people’s anger. We have to
listen to their constant nagging, their endless complaints or “blaming other” stories. The
atmosphere becomes poisonous and is not easy to escape. It robs us of time and quality
in our life.
Anger can develop into a virus that negatively affects its surroundings.
Many people would like to free themselves from the downsides of anger. They wish they
knew how to deal with anger situations in a more competent way and how to calmly
communicate their needs.
Why publish this book?
People want to live a happy life.
But we cannot be happy and at the same time upset or angry. Being able to process our
anger not only frees us from the negative side of the anger emotion; it also helps us to
learn more about ourselves. We gain clarity around the things that are important to us
and sharpen the goals that we try to accomplish.
Thus, learning how to process anger has a double effect leading us towards happiness: by
reducing the negative emotions and by focusing on the positive wishes that fuel the
anger.
Why should someone buy this book?
We haven’t been taught how to deal with anger situations, at least I haven’t, and I don’t
know any person who has. The only advice I heard was: ‘stop being angry’ or ‘there is no
reason to get angry’. But anger seldom disappears of its own accord or when we ask it to.
It also does not disappear when we share it or tell others about it. Instead, we must
actively reflect our anger situation and process the anger.
This book offers an effective and simple process in terms of how to deal with any anger
situation and how to free ourselves from anger. It consists of 3 steps that everybody can
easily learn, remember, and apply when stuck in an anger situation.
Why is anger a relevant and contemporary topic?
Society
Anger is increasingly appearing in society as the world is confronting ever bigger
challenges: the war in Ukraine, climate change, diversity / equity & inclusion topics,
inflation, economic recession, increasing immigration, an ageing population.
It is apparent that anger is on the rise whilst tolerance is decreasing. In these times of
change we need to stay connected, talk to each other and try to find solutions. This is
only possible if we have clarity around the topics that trigger our anger. We need to
reflect and clarify our position to be able to enter into co-creative discussions.
Individuals
The new generations teach us that life does not consist only of work. There is more to life
like healthy relationships, physical health, and mental wellbeing. All three goals are only
possible if I know how to live an anger-free life. Physical health without the mental health
is not enough as anger has negative health effects. Relationships filled with understanding
and compassion are difficult if I don’t know how to process my anger situations.
Knowing how to handle an anger situation will conversely have an immediate positive
effect on our physical and mental health as well as on our relationships. The clarity we
gain about ourselves also helps us to find purpose and satisfaction in our lives.
Anger Books on the US Market
Anger seems to be a popular topic judging from the number of newly published books.
However, the existing books focus mostly on the regulation of the anger emotion or on a
variety of behaviors or actions to “manage” anger. They contain loads of management
advice but do not offer a solid, efficient and easy process that is applicable to any anger
situation leading to lasting anger freedom.
List of anger books from the most present publication date:
§ Anger Management for Men (Riley Hunt); May 3 2023; 112 pages
Influences, impact and factors of anger are described. Advice is given by describing
coping mechanism, planning, seeking help.
§ The Anger Book (Elias Baar); May 21 2023; 182 pages
A journal to express anger thoughts and reflection in writing.
Express anger in a controlled and constructive matter.
§ Anger Management Workbook (Barriott Huang); Oct 29 2022; 160 pages
This book based on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) focusses as many others on
anger management by describing helpful skills like mindfulness, distress tolerance,
emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness skills.
§ CBT Workbook for Anger (William J. Knaus); Jan 2 2021; 216 pages
This book and my approach have the common ground to start the anger relief with
the idea of avoiding needless anger. I do not dive into managing or regulating anger
emotion. I do end at the same result of a stronger self. The road to get there is
different.
§ Anger – Taming a powerful emotion (Gary Chapman); June 1 2015; 224 pages
The author is focused on relationship counseling
– overcome shame, denial, bitterness
– manage anger and conflict constructively
§ The Dance of Anger (Herriet Lerner); March 25 2014; 256 pages
It is a terrific book containing many real life examples of anger situations, where
people managed to step out of anger. Lerner describes the strategies that do not
work but does not describe an effective strategy to anger freedom.
§ Anger: Wisdom of Cooling the Flames (Thich Nath Hanh); Sep 3 2002; 240 pages
This impressive book describes a very effective method how to breathe through
anger situations by becoming more aware and mindful. This strategy is very
advanced and might work for people who are already well trained in mindfulness.
What is unique about my approach?
Instead of offering loads of advice, I offer a simple and effective process how to process
any anger issue. This process works for every human being independent of age,
profession, education, or gender.
Processing an anger issue implies, that the anger trigger will ultimately disappear because
we gain genuine clarity what the anger is about, what we want and do not want, what is
important and not important, what we want to engage in or let go off. We gain a
completely new clarity in our life and regain control of shaping our life.
My process is not about skills, because we consciously chose to be angry or not to be
angry about someone or something. We possess the skills not to become angry and know
how to stay calm. It is about knowing why we refuse or resist anger freedom. The process
helps us to become aware of potential anger patterns, that get in the way of our
happiness, health, and wellbeing.
Why I call myself an anger expert?
I know anger from both my private life and my working life.
Looking back I have to admit that I was quite an angry person. It started in my teenage
years when I managed to get upset about everything: school, teachers, my sports team,
the coach, friends, you name it. Being upset became part of my life. I was told by my
coach that I needed to calm down, but nobody showed or explained to me how.
In work life the policy of the company, the decision making, assigned projects or work of
colleagues could trigger anger. I thought being angry about something was part of life,
something we must learn to accept and live with.
As a mother of two boys, I know what anger can be like when they develop from one
challenging phase into the next and I have difficulties being the helpful and competent
mum I want to be.
But I also know how It feels to free myself from anger. And I know how this can be done. I
was able to let go of grudges that I held against my parents or at work and accept anger
situations that I could not change.
I released most of my anger triggers while going through my coaching education, starting
in 2011, becoming certified in 2013. Ever since I have been working as a coach helping my
coachees to discover their own path and step out of their anger. Mindset, conflict, and
anger have become my special topics, but anger is my passion.
I started to collect all the methods that helped me and my clients to process anger
situations and created, designed and redesigned a process until I was able to reduce it to
3 easy steps.
I want to share this process with you to offer an effective and simply answer to the HOW.
How to free ourselves from anger.
Anger is the key to happiness, serenity, and inner peace. Not only because anger blocks
the way to happiness, but also because anger points us to the things in life that are most
important to us. Anger is our teacher showing us the places in life where we need to gain
more clarity or need to take action.
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